Collection 22

A mouse

Jimmy: I saw a mouse in the milk pail[1], daddy.

Father: Well, did you take the mouse out?

Jimmy: No, daddy. But I threw our cat in!

Thanksgiving Day!

An old man in Austin calls his son in Dodge City (Kansas). The conversation goes as follows[2].

Dad: Son, I hate to bring you the bad news... but your mother and I, we are getting a divorce[3]...

Son: What??? You can't! What about -

Dad: I'm sorry son! 45 years of misery[4] is enough!!! Now, I am sick of talking about it[5], call your sister and tell her! (Click)

The son, nearly in tears[6], calls his sister in New Orleans. The conversation goes as follows.

Brother: Sis, you are not gonna believe this! Mom and dad are getting a... a... divorce!

Sister: What?!? Oh no! They aren't! You stay put![7] I'll call you right back! (Click)

The sister calls the parents in Austin and the conversation goes as follows.

Daughter: You two are not getting a divorce!

Dad: Honey, listen -

Daughter: No you listen! You are not getting a divorce! You know what? You don't do anything! I'm calling brother back, we'll be there the day after tomorrow! Don't do anything! (Click)

The father hangs up calmly and bounces his newspaper to align it to his liking[8]. He looks at his wife and says, "Well, they are coming for Thanksgiving[9] and are paying their own fares[10], what shall we tell them on Christmas?"

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[1] pail - ведро

[2] as follows - следующим образом

[3] to get a divorce - разводиться

[4] misery - страдание

[5] I'm sick of talking about it - я устал говорить об этом

[6] nearly in tears - почти в слезах

[7] You stay put! - Ты оставайся на месте!

[8] to align it to his liking - чтобы приспoсобить поудобнее

[9] Thanksgiving (day) - День благодарения

[10] paying their own fares - сами оплачивают проезд